I dream of red

This picture is from the archives of my phone. Nothing beats a red velour sausage. I hope you throw up in your mouths. Have a great long weekend!

Xoxo H

Shopping

Spotted at the mall. I hope he was buying a shirt. That is all.

Xoxo H

Birthday shorts

So it's my boyfriends birthday next week and while debating possible birthday gifts for him, I thought to myself, maybe he would like a new pair of shorts... I was walking down 8th ave and then I saw this man... And decided I NEED to get him these shorts for his special day. If anyone has a line on a store where I can get these, please let me know!

Xoxo H

Mullet Monday in the Mountains!

You can thank J-lo for this amazing mullet sighting!   This epic mullet was spotted in Waterton in a cafe.  I need to thank him for his multi-angle shots and devotion to my blog.

Xoxo H

Such a fresh face!

I love my friends!

Another guest photo on Shithannahsees! Y'all can thank the lovely Lydia for this gem :) Lydia and I share a birthday so from that fact you obviously know that she's awesome and has a great eye for bad, bad outfits. She also appreciates a good eye "surprise sexing" (my hate mail that will get posted soon chewed me out for being insensitive to the word rape, so I'm going back to surprise sexing)!

Anyway, enjoy these shots courtesy of Lydia!

Xoxo H

LOVE HER BOOTS!!! LOVE THEM!

Cougar hunting at Starbucks

So I'm getting my morning nonfat latte, still half asleep and kind of grumpy, typical Wednesday morning... And then this happened :)

Broad walks in wearing this! It's 7:30 in the morning, she works in an office, she looks to be pushing 50. All. Around. Awesome. Thank you Calgary for letting this be work appropriate! I should also add that her shirt fell down and I saw her normal bra with straps tucked in to make it strapless. I love cougar whores.....

Xoxo H

Ps I've also attached a picture of a real whore who works around the corner from my place, if anyone knows what her going rate is I would be curious to know!

Note the foot tattoo... and her shirt is strapless.  AMAZING RIGHT!

Mullet Monday!

Welcome to my new (hopefully) weekly feature.... MULLET MONDAYS! Where I going to post the most glorious mullets known to mankind. I apologize in advance for all the alone time that these posts are going to cause, cause who doesn't love a good shorty long back!?!

A special shout out to Laura who sent me this glorious shot... I hope you all enjoy this lovely image as much as I did....

Xoxo H

Ps stay tuned for a special post to come later this week when I devote a post to my first negative comment. You know you've made it when...

Saved!!!

I was walking back to the office after lunch with some coworkers and almost fell off the sidewalk when I spotted an epic hot pink dress that was painted on this dumb broad. She was wearing a black cover over it that looked like my cats had shredded it worse than my couch. She was obviously trying to make it office appropriate. Whore! I went to grab my phone to document this for you, my readers, only to realize that I left my god damn phone on my god damn desk. That's what I get for texting instead of working all morning. Epic fucking fail Hannah :(

So I'm back at my desk when I receive a rapey text from my boyfriend. He sent me this, which he spotted from his office window. So rapey! I want to go for a ride in it... On it... Near it. I'm just imagining what it's owner looks like... So sexy ;)

Xoxo H

Oh, and I saw this broad while walking to work yesterday. New spin on office casual? 

I'm a slacker, I know!

I've been too busy getting violated by the shit I've seen on vacation to post. I'm sorry. Blogger fail.

Fear not followers, I'm back. I hope you enjoy the collage of photos from my vacation... And by enjoy I mean I hope your eyes bleed and you curse me.

Xoxo H

The only way I could cope with what was going on around me...

Tutu - check! Sombrero - check!

STAMPEDE FOLLOWED ME TO MONTREAL!

Is that an NES controller on your head!?!?

Why wear shoes....?

No idea what was going on here, NONE!

I survived Montreal, went to the lake to relax and I see this... What a classy dock statue neighbors!

Ohsheaga!

I wined and bitched about the folk fest eye raping, that was nothing compared to the beating my poor blue eyes are taking in Montreal. They are bleeding as badly as they did at coachella. C'mon canada. Get your shit together.

Must get another beer to save my retinas.

Xoxo H