Afternoon delight

I popped into Starbucks for a pre pedicure pick me up and I'm so glad I did! I saw 2 spectacular people. And by spectacular I mean ridiculous.

What kind of grown assed man wears a purple flower on his lapel? A gay man one would think, not a guy who was just making out with an exceptionally hot chick. Wtf? And to the lady in the bad full length SKIN TIGHT leopard print skirt with stripped shirt, please look in the mirror before leaving the house. My eyes can't handle the burning feeling you're giving them!

Xoxo H

Also, to the guy doing my pedicure, stop asking if it hurts. If you think it's going to hurt, don't do it! We also just had a conversation about cities and provinces. I had to clarify that Toronto is in Ontario, not the other way around. He was confused....

Folk wine!

Day 3 of folk fest, all that's left is for me to do is drink wine and try to not get surprise sexed (that's what they call rape in Edmonton).

The crimes against Hannah keep coming. I'm not sure if I love or hate it. All I know for sure is that wine is making is making me want to punch people in their faces.

Here is a glimpse into what I've seen today. Not in this list is a looney toons tattoo, fail I know!

Xoxo H

Folk fest. Part 2

Not sure what to say about folk fest other than holy shit my eyes are getting raped. So many crimes against humanity. People need to die.

I'm live blogging again, this time from a table full of strangers and a guy who is calling me dirty boots. Or maybe dirty boobs. And a lady who loves dragon flies. And a guy who broke into a random poem. Fml. There is also a guy wearing plaid on plaid with white sport socks. I chased him down for a pic!

Anyways, here are a few shots of what's going on around me....

Xoxo H

Folk feet. Day 1

So I'm volunteering at folk fest and am hammered, having a blast. There is so much to report but I can't. To drunk. Instead, look at our feet.

Xoxo H

Ps. We have pickles!

Did you lose your pants?

Found, one pair of diesel jeans. Men's. Complete with eau de urine and other bodily fluids.

If you lost your jeans, you can find them in the bushes outside of my office. I hope you lost them there when you were watching me change my outfit in my office. I was getting naked just for you.

Xoxo H

Lunch time creeping

I met my HLP for lunch today at her buildings food court in an attempt to get some new sightings, and yeah I did! I was late to meet her which resulted in her sending me a bitchy I'm hungry, get your ass in here now text, but I was blog creeping, so I thought it was an acceptable "I'm late" excuse.

I'm walking across the street to meet her when I'm blinded by bedazzles! There is a mom with her two kids and grandma doing something and wow her shirt was ridiculous. So after following them for half a block I was able to creep this beauty!

So much bedazzling!

I also love gradma's Calgary Tuxedo and white cowboy boots!

Worth being a few minutes late for lunch I think... AND THEN because I was late it meant that lunch ran a few minutes later and because of that, THIS HAPPENED!!! The pics do not do it justice, but below you will find a shirt (worn as a dress) and tights.  These are NOT leggings. They are tights.  See-through, wear under a dress tights.  I then followed her around taking her picture while security looked at me like I was insane. Clearly I am not insane. I am not wearing tights as leggings.  My skirt comes down to my knees - the same can't be said about her.

My friend also said I should start blurring faces... and I am torn on this.  I see why she is saying that, but if I were to be seen on someones "don't dress like an ass-hat" blog I would want my face to be shown so that someone who loves me could spot it an point out that I look like an ass-hat and tell me to stop dressing like that.  It would also then involve me doing some editing on my iPhone (where all these pics are taken from) and I'm lazy... But if enough of you think I should blur faces, let me know and I will try to maybe blur some.  Or not.  

xoxo H

Walk of shame or office wear?

So I'm mindlessly walking to work this morning, headphones in my ears, bopping along to something ridiculous like LMFAO and I look up at this broad walking down the Starbucks steps and I stop dead in my tracks and check my phone... Is it Tuesday? Am I supposed to be at work today? Yes, it's Tuesday. Yes I'm supposed to be on my way to work. Ok, phew! This broad fully threw me off with her outfit.

After my triple take to make sure I wasn't seeing things (I wasn't) I decided she must be doing an office walk of shame. Throwing a blazer over her slutty short dress... But then maybe not, maybe it's a new trend in office wear? What do you think?

Xoxo H

Prague!

A friend of mine is Prague this week and sent me this gem, Thanks J-lo!  I invite all my readers to send me any fantastic shit they see and I will share it with the blog-sphere!

xoxo H

Poo stains all the way from Prague!

Some boxers I saw lying on the street here in Calgary.

Croquet?

I went for a rollerblade along the elbow, was heavenly. It was a beautiful, hot summer day. It felt good to get my sweat on and it felt even better to experience this little nugget of awesome... A Victorian themed croquet party. There was a dude also in bunny ears and I can't figure out why!

Xoxo H

Was hard to get super close to creep a better picture.  Grass and rollerblades, not a great combination!

Shot from my blade. Was a beautiful day.

All kinds of wrong

Was late for a meeting on the other side of Downtown the other day, so I decided to jump on the train to save a few minutes and hopefully make it semi on time, and damn I'm glad that I did. Had I not, I would not have experienced this... Crazy lady, on train, cutting her nails. WTF Calgary!?!

Xoxo H

Drunk

Too wasted to comment on anything I see other than this! LET'S GO RIDERS!!

Xoxo H

Lunch time love

I saw this gem on my way for pho today. The bf was lucky that he was with me or I probably would have said damn and let this sexy bitch try to get up in this...

xoxo H

Stampede Carnage...

Walking to the office this morning I couldn't help but smile as I walked past people NOT wearing their Alberta tuxedos. Then I saw this, the final reminder that the stampede was here. All I can think is that some lucky lady got railed after Snoop last night at cowboys and that they either a) did it on the sidewalk for the hookers to see b) did it on the patio and thought it would be fun and throw their clothes over the edge c) pulled a Hannah and got naked on the way inside the house. Either way, I hope that's the last of the Stampede for 2012...

xoxo H

Included in the heap of clothes a bra, a pair of womens jeans,  one pair of camo cargos, one pair of black boxers and one denim shirt.

Weekend roundup!

Stampede is over for me (even though it's technically still happening), I can't handle it. After a weekend of partying and getting a sore neck from all the people watching I need nothing more than a quiet day on the couch. Here is the roundup of some of my favorite weekend sightings...

The red velour jumpsuit at the Hip... She has a camel toe and amazing sweat marks.  

My conversation this with guy want something like this:
Hannah - Nice vest, where did you get it? I am looking for one for Osheaga
Him - Thanks. I stole it from a 10 year old girl.
Hannah - Awesome. I hope you gave her candy too.

Just bad...

Hat can NOT get wet... note, it wasn't raining!

Dude with gold sequined pockets on his jeans... I love me a good bedazzling, but that was just plain wrong!

Did you call a plumber? Luigi is here!!!

A sneak peak into cowboys

I am posting live from the stampede beer gardens where there are too many outfits to comment on and in too hungover to try. Until I have the energy, here is a quick shot from last night. Two words..... Denim Panties!

Xoxo H

Welcome to Stampede...

So, Calgary is a mess right now of slutty drunken bitches getting their Stampede on.  They believe that this gives them the ability to wear WHATEVER they want, as long as it's "Western".  I saw this gem of an outfit today while getting my morning Starbucks.  Enjoy!

xoxo H

She has clearly MADE her own neon pink chaps!

Ass-less at that. I expect to see her tonight at cowboys with her thong hanging out!